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Zero degrees Kelvin (0K), or -459°F, is the scientific term for absolute zero, the temperature where all molecular movement stops also known as the theoretical absence of all thermal energy. To put it another way, it is the point when stuff stops being stuff and starts not existing, a little bit like Scott Speed's talent.




















Kelvin Burt wishing for an actual absence of thermal energy, yesterday


I'm a relatively keen student of the great landmarks of physics and I am well aware that this state is purely theoretical and has never been replicated under laboratory conditions. Well that is what I believed until I saw the IndyCar Series ratings for Kansas on Sunday.

The figure I read was so alarmingly tiny that I had to check that I hadn't looked at viewing data for Women's Lacrosse or candle pin bowling. The number, .15 of one ratings point, is all the evidence I need to believe that we are not far off nailing absolute zero seeing as IndyCar and Versus TV almost managed it in far from ideal conditions on Sunday.

In less scientific terms those ratings are marginally above those of good infomercial numbers and maybe this is a positive and indeed a commercial opportunity for the marketing departments of IndyCar and their TV partner.

If Vince Shlomi - The Shamwow Guy - can find time in his schedule to stop battering hookers he could help sort out all the issues about racing in the rain. I mean you have seen what the orange rag can do right? Get a tarp roller made of that stuff and rain delays will be a thing of the past.

We need to get Jack Arute out of pit lane as soon as possible and not just because at Long Beach he announced the death of Sir Stirling Moss live on air while handing him a World title he never won. Incidentally, this made Moss only the second ever posthumous World Champion, and the first to earn that honor while still alive. If Versus are worried about the numbers, just replace him with Billy Mays and start selling all of the stuff that Jack normally has a good look at in the pits. This would include all sorts of worn out, no longer useful tat like tires, brake discs, damaged nose cones and AJ Foyt.

Lindy Thackston can go crazy with the Ginsu knife slashing through everything in her path, well, when I say everything I am of course excluding the TV audience as that could only be split further using a particle accelerator.

This also has to be a tremendous opportunity for KV Racing and Dale Coyne to sell their additional seats for the Indianapolis 500. 'If you buy now we will not only give you 'The Greatest Spectacle in Racing' but you will also get the Milwaukee Mile and Kentucky Speedway absolutely free'.

My only worry is that the figures will shrink to the point where race budgets will be drastically cut (without the need to resort to Lindy's knife) and teams will be forced into this type of racing and venue.